5 Places you won’t get laid during New Year’s

So, you have decided that you have had enough action in 2012, and that anymore and they might just put your name in the Hall of Fame next to Jenna Jameson and err forgive me, but I do not know any male porn stars. Or maybe you believe that what happens on the first day of the year will determine how the rest of the year shapes up, and by jove, you do not want to be spending an entire 2013 making weird noises and expressions.

So where is that, you will not get laid on New Year’s Eve? Hmm.

Since we do not believe anything that our friends or readers would say to us, and they were all hollering “anywhere in India, you oaf,” we dug deep into our coffers, sifted through the dust and came out with these letters that some of our travelers had sent to us.

1) Letter from Ladakh

Hi WeAreHolidays,
I must thank you for recommending Ladakh to me and my wife for our honeymoon. As suggested by you, we flew on the 30th of December to Leh, and so cold was the air outside, that we spent all five days in the hotel itself. I did mention that my wife was the adventurous sort and would like a packed holiday right? Thanks to you, the hotel we got was packed to the rafters, because of the snow storm, most of our things never came out of the suitcase and remained packed deep inside, and every time I even broached the subject of love making, my wife sent me off packing . Pardon me for not mentioning that she has a short temper as well. I myself realized that during the honeymoon. So furious was she that she pushed her bed to the other corner of the room, and that was the only pushing that happened in those glorious five days. Like you said, Ladakh surely made me understand what solitude really meant.

Yours sincerely,
Sundar

2) Letter from Goa

Hi WeAreHolidays,
What a wonderful new year I spent in Goa with my girlfriend. And all thanks to you. When I mentioned in my first correspondence that I wanted to stay on a beach which attracted a “good crowd”, I would never have imagined the extent to which you would go to fulfill my request. Imagine actually finding a beach only with good looking Russians around. And they were so friendly, chatting up my girlfriend and making her feel all comfortable. “When you are in Goa,” you said, “you’ll do your own thing, bro”, after I asked you what all a couple should see there. No one could have been more right. The moment I stepped out of the resort to rent a scooty, she went off with one Andre and never came back. I did do my own thing, for the rest of the trip. Bro.

Yours bloodcurdlingly,
Abby

3) Letter from Dharamshala

Hi WeAreHolidays,
You guys are the shit, bro! I mean, really good shit. Mcleodganj is the place to chill, man. Who cares if it’s cold during New Year’s bro, as long as we can roll it up and do our own thing. We had our own Bong besides our Gurgaon gang, and we really killed it. A couple of Israeli girls did ask us if we’d like to join them for a party, and drinks, but who cares for chicks man, with all that nature and flora and grass around. Nature is all that we need, yo. It was a smoking trip, literally.

High and dry,
Twinky George

4) Letter from Haryana

Abey kamino,
Why do you even have the travel tips section on your website? I booked a New Year weekend trip package on your website, after checking the fantastic farm house pictures. Since they did not offer lunch, I went to the nearby restaurant and ordered for a plate of chowmein. Before I could say “and garlic chicken”, they were upon me in a trice, saying that I was a rapist. I am writing this letter from jail. Do you have a bail package?

Yours jailfully,
Shiney

5) Letter from Orissa

You there,
So, there we were, my love and I, sitting on a white sandy beach in Puri, in love with everything in the world. And we looked at the day’s itinerary – a fun filled day of water sports. I recollect the line that you had added at the end of that content piece, ‘storm into the sunset’. How lovely, how creative.

Well, it’s been six months since that trip. If only, I knew that it was a cyclone you meant, I probably would not have ventured so much into the sea, and would not have drifted on this ridiculous island a thousand miles from any sign of life, and only coconuts to eat. There is one more guy here - a weird Oriental fellow here, who has been making smiling at me a lot recently, and I’d rather consummate with a coconut than him.

Yours far far away,
Kay

That’s all for now folks. Let us know how your New Year’s went.

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