Places to be (or not to be) this Valentine’s Day

Before you start reading, answer the following questions.

Are you done with red roses, hearts and teddy bears?                                                                                       (I refuse to acknowledge chocolate as a symbol of Valentine’s day or love. The love for chocolate is pristine and above all else, even when they’re shaped like little hearts!)

Do overdone shades of red and pink cause you to develop a headache?

Do the words (and their accompanying imagery) cute, coochee coo, lovey dovey, muah muah trigger normally dormant violent reactions?

If you answered yes to all of the above (recent single status, “what is love anyway” type cynic, rational homo sapien, no matter the reason), then read on and welcome to the super exclusive “Valentine’s is a (marketing) sleaze fest” club! If not, then it’s best you stay away from this post and me this season of love.

While Cupid’s keeping busy in the ‘romantic’ canals of Venice, here’s what we recommend for Valentine’s Day.

The Museum of Broken Relationships (Zagreb, Croatia)

First of all, this is not a figment of my imagination. Situated in beautiful Zagreb, Croatia, The Museum of Broken Relationships grew from a traveling exhibition revolving around the concept of failed relationships and their ruins. Unlike ‘destructive’ self-help instructions for recovery from failed loves, the Museum offers a chance to overcome an emotional collapse through creation: by contributing to the Museum’s collection. You will find pink fur handcuffs and a whole section of underwear along with wedding dresses and an actual ex-Axe; all with their own stories to tell.

To top it off, the Museum is exhibiting in the ‘city of love’ this month.

Capella De Ossos (Faro, Portugal)

Human bones line the chapel, storks nest in the church towers and the inscription over the door reads “Stop here and think of the fate that will befall you”; you’re definitely not going to bump into cheery lovers exchanging sweet nothings.

And it’s not just for decoration, the walls are actually constructed from femurs with mortar; the work of the Carmelite monks who built the baroque church in Faro, Portugal in 1816. Its construction displaced a cemetery where hundreds of their earlier brethren lay buried, so the bones were salvaged and recycled into this somewhat bizarre reminder of mortality.

Death Valley (California, USA)

Hottest, Driest, Lowest. That’s how the Death Valley National Park markets itself, can you imagine? It’s impossible to conjure even the faintest notions of romance. At the height of the California Goldrush a group of pioneers (The Lost ’49ers) decided, against the warning of their wagon master, to take a “shortcut” across the unknown deserts of the West. They started their journey from Salt Lake City, happily unaware that this fatal mis-judgement would become a story of human suffering (also of trial and heroism but we’ll ignore that for now) that would give it the name Death Valley.

You don’t actually have to go there, reading this story ought to do it. Out loud in a public space on V Day, even better!

Or you could just watch a movie, pick a genre like horror or graphic violence, Wikipedia even has genres like splatter & gore and rape & revenge. Or spearhead an online campaign to ban movies like P.S I Love You. Or, this one’s the best, walk around with a safety pin (bell pin, nails, any sharp object will do) and burst as many of those heart shaped balloons as you can. We’re giving away gifts for the top three balloon bursters!!

Any other interesting suggestions, share with us in the comments section.