Shahid Afridi buys a holiday package from WeAreHolidays

At WeAreHolidays, we love our game of cricket. We support the game as a whole and cherish all the players that make this the sport that it is. Alright, we don’t like Ponting too much, for he’s massacred our bowling time and again, but yes we love the sport.

And just to show our appreciation, in all this festive atmosphere where everyone is coming out with their own Diwali offers, we’d like to gift free holiday packages to some of our favourite cricketers.

These are the blokes who made it to the short-list.

1) Stuart Broad

Mention the word ‘Freddie’ and Broad is all ready to bang his hands on the floor and cry. It all started when Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff decided that it would be fun to tease a Punjabi.  By the name of Yuvraj Singh. Unfortunately for Broad, Yuvi did not see the humour at all (what with it being British and all) and told him what taking panga with a Punjabi could lead to by hitting him for six sixes off six balls.

Since then, the bowler has gone quite quiet except for the times when Flintoff crosses his path and he starts frothing like a mixer on overdrive, or squealing like a pig that has just realized that all that oily food has now caused a pimple under her snout. Team mate Ian Bell says that he has often heard Broad go, “Freddie, I wish you were dead-y” and thinks that Stuart has all the makings of a tragic poet.

And that is why, WeAreHolidays is gifting Stuart Broad a holiday in the Himalayas.  So that he can meditate in fresh air under a clear sky, spend some time alone and introspect, do some yoga or get a spa massage to relieve all that stress, and then finally, come up with a novel way to kill Flintoff once he returns to civilization.

Since we think that Yuvi’s onslaught on Stuart Little was kind of unfair, we are giving him a 20% discount on this holiday.

2) Harbhajan Singh

 It is common knowledge that the thin Sardar is not the same bowler any more, and not even thin any more. That he is less Turbanator  and more Perturbedanator.  That the last time he took a wicket was when the Americans were still contemplating if they should put Armstrong on the moon or not.

 And all of this is because of that Sreesanth. There was a time when Harbhahan was happy; a time when he used to do the bhangra.  We are talking of the era when he could happily slap Sreesanth, and did. And then Sreesanth decided to put a stop to all this. Decided that if leaving the Indian team was the only way to not being slapped, by Jove he would leave it. That to leave the Indian team if he would have to play abysmally bad, by Ayyappa he would be a quintessential Mallu and be bad at cricket. Harbhajan has never been able to slap anyone since.

At WeAreHolidays, we have taken the responsibility to get India’s premier spin bowler back into form.  We will ensure he gets to slap as many people as possible, and be happy once again. And thus, a two way ticket to Bangkok for Harbhajan with a 3 day free pass for a Muay Thai tournament. Muay Thai, as you know is kick boxing, Thailand’s national game and Harbhajan can slap and kick and attack as many Thai thighs as possible and regain all his energy and vigour. At our expense Bhajji, three whole days. Lucky you.

3) Shahid Afridi

The heartthrob from Karachi, the man with the fastest century, that flowing hair, is it any surprise that they all call him ‘Boom boom’ Afridi? And keeping this lovely image in consideration, we give him a holiday package that suits his personality above all his peers - “Boom Boom Thailand” – a weekend holiday in Pattaya, where the phrase ‘boom boom’ holds even deeper meaning.

 A two day break, it makes total sense for Shahid who loves to go in fast and come out even faster (all dirty jokes intended).  Reports state that Virat Kohli has expressed resentment at not being the chosen one, and has been heard saying  “Oh so now that they are sending him to Pattaya, he accepts he is not sixteen anymore?!” Well Virat, not everyone can boom boom, bro!

4)  Ravi Shastri

 “I just get the feeling,” that he will be very excited if we give him a package.  ”I just get the feeling” that asking him to choose between Mauritius and Maldives for a holiday will make him “go down the wire”. That if we give him a 10% discount, he’ll “race to the boundary,” or to his suitcases, “like a tracer bullet”.  Just maybe, a trip to Khandala “will do his confidence a world of good.”

I just get the feeling…

 

5)  The Afghanistan Team

They are such a nice bunch, untainted yet by the commercial side of sport, celebrating the fall of every wicket, every boundary with such rare gay abandon that it thrills the heart. You, Afghan team, make us smile and make us want you to win. Just for that, we want to give you our best holiday package - Switzerland.  Where Raj and Simran went. No no, don’t thank us, badi badi desho mein, aisi chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain..

That’s all for now folks.
Coming soon:  How WeAreHolidays  got inspired by Vicky Donor.